How to Help an Older Adult Struggling with Depression

If you're a child, grandparent, or spouse to an older person with depression, you likely have many questions and concerns. It’s upsetting to watch someone you love suffer, and if depression is causing your loved one to shut down, you might feel helpless and unsure of how to proceed.

While you can’t “fix” your loved one, you can help them implement specific lifestyle changes to decrease their symptoms, provide a good listening ear, and encourage them to seek professional support.

Above all else, depression is a treatable condition, and you can play a positive role in helping an older loved one get the support they need to feel better.

Key takeaways

• Helping a senior with depression involves identifying their symptoms, getting them evaluated by their doctor, helping them implement beneficial lifestyle changes, and being a good listener.
• In many cases, depression support involves seeking help from a mental health professional who understands how depression manifests in seniors and the unique challenges faced by this population.
• Therapy for depression in seniors is covered by Medicare and can happen via telehealth, which can be helpful for seniors with mobility issues, or who feel most comfortable in their homes. 

Noticing depression in an older loved one

Depression in seniors can be difficult to recognize in some cases, because depression in later life often looks like physical discomfort or cognitive decline rather than more obvious sadness. In addition, older adults may not acknowledge depression as a real condition, or may even think of it as a character flaw. As such, they may not be willing to share all of their feelings, or may attribute their symptoms to physical illness.

Another potential challenge is distinguishing between “the blues” and clinical depression. Feeling sad or down is part of life, and grief and loneliness are common as you age. The question is how severe your emotions are, and how much they are impacting your day-to-day life.

If your loved one’s feelings of depression are intense, make it hard for them to function, and last for more a few weeks, they may be dealing with clinical depression. Experiencing clinical depression is common in older age, but it’s not a normal part of aging.

Probably the most important thing to keep in mind about clinical depression is that it’s a medical condition, in the same way that diabetes, kidney disease, and coronary artery disease are. Moreover, depression in older adults is highly treatable. 

Start with a medical checkup

When it comes to older adults and depression support, your first step is usually to take them to their PCP to get a medical checkup. You may ask why this is, if the person seems to be dealing with a mental health issue, rather than a medical issue.

The answer is that certain medical issues can cause symptoms of depression. These may include thyroid issues, Parkinson’s disease, and medication side effects. It’s also vital to discuss the physical manifestation of your loved one’s depression, so that you can be sure that their stomachaches, headaches, nausea, or weight loss aren’t caused by a different condition that may be co-occurring with depression.

It can be helpful for you to accompany your loved one to these appointments. This is especially necessary if your loved one tends to downplay their symptoms. You can offer another perspective to their doctor. You can also be an advocate for ensuring that your loved one’s symptoms are taken seriously. 

Daily habits & lifestyle shifts that can help

While habits and lifestyle changes can completely cure depression, they can decrease symptoms, and prevent symptoms from getting worse. When it comes to supporting seniors with depression, helping them implement some of these changes can be a vital tool for helping them manage depression.

Some habits and activities that can be helpful for a senior with depression might include:

• Encouraging your loved one to engage in “low stakes activities” like sitting outside to soak up some sunlight, taking a five minute walk through the neighborhood, or coming over and watching the grandchildren play.
• Making sure they’re getting adequate sleep and also making sure they are not oversleeping; sticking to a regular sleep/wake schedule can help with depression.
• Suggesting they engage in regular exercise, such as daily walks, swimming, or exercise classes, as physical activity is known to decrease depression symptoms.
• Asking them about their eating and drinking habits, and making sure they are well hydrated and properly nourished. In terms of dietary patterns, there’s some evidence that sticking to a DASH diet can decrease depression symptoms.
• Emphasizing the importance of socializing and staying engaged with one’s community, a powerful and effective way to combat depression in seniors and lift one’s mood.

Making suggestions is one thing, but getting an older adult to engage in self-care can be challenging. One way to do this is to participate with your loved one – take a walk with them or accompany them to community events. You can also do the legwork for them (signing them up for classes or activities, writing them a grocery list, finding social engagement) if getting started is too hard.  

It may also be easier to get your loved one to participate in these types of lifestyle shifts once they’ve begun treatment for depression. Their therapist may be able to help them work through any roadblocks they have to lifestyle changes, and also help them understand how engaging in positive habits can increase mood and keep some depression symptoms at bay. 

The power of presence and listening

As you consider how to best support someone with depression, one key element to keep in mind is the power of being a good listener. Additionally, how to support someone with depression can be as straightforward as simply being there for them.

The key to being a good listener is:

• Not jumping in to correct them when they tell you something that’s hard to hear
• Not minimizing what they are saying, or offering quick fixes to their problems
• Listening attentively and without judgement
• “Being with” your loved one rather than trying to distract them out of how they are feeling

Avoid toxic positivity

It’s also crucial to consider that while active listening and keeping things positive is necessary, you don’t want to veer into “toxic positivity,” which is the practice of trying to keep things positive at the expense of allowing difficult feelings to be present. It also involves dismissive practices, such as telling your loved one to “buck up” or “stay strong.” 

How to initiate difficult conversations

Sometimes it can be difficult to know how to initiate conversations with a loved one who is showing signs of depression. Here are some ice breakers to consider:

• How have you been lately? What’s been on your mind?
• I’ve been concerned about you and I’d love to talk about how I can support you.
• I’ve noticed that [fill in description of troubling behavior] and I’m worried about you.
• You’ve seemed down lately and not like yourself. I’m here if you want to talk.
• I love you and support you no matter what. If there is something that’s bothering you or on your mind, I’m always here.
• I understand how hard it is to open, because I’ve been there myself. But if you want to talk about what’s been going on with you, I’m available. 

Practical ways to offer support

It’s not just what you say or suggest – helping a person with depression also involves real-life, practical support. This can be especially vital to a senior, whose abilities to cope with day-to-day life may be becoming more difficult as a result of aging, on top of depression.

Here are some practical tips for supporting a senior with depression:

• Help them with the logistics of daily care, such as managing medications, providing transportation to social events, or helping with food shopping.
• Run errands for your loved one – or with your loved one.
• Engage in activities in their home, such as cooking together, gardening, scrapbooking, or simple home repairs.
• Help your loved one have a sense of purpose, including reminding them of their past hobbies or interests, or helping them discover new ones.
• During a depressive episode, help them identify a few things they can do each day to increase their ability to function and live well, such as make sure to get dressed, eat meals, open the blinds, make their bed.
• Suggest they look into an emotional support animal (if appropriate), which research has shown to be a positive way to reduce depression symptoms in seniors. 

When to seek professional talk therapy

When your loved one’s feelings of sadness, numbness, or hopelessness begin to intensity, and aren’t going away after a few weeks, it’s time for you to encourage professional mental health help. There is strong evidence that psychotherapy, with or without antidepressant medication, can effectively treat depression in seniors.

Many people worry about health insurance coverage for depression. Thankfully, therapy for depression is covered by Medicare. In addition, therapy can happen in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

Sailor Health provides telehealth for depression support via phone or video calls. This can be particularly helpful for seniors with mobility or health issues, as well as seniors who are hesitant to start therapy in a more traditional therapy setting.

Sailor Health connects seniors with experienced therapists who understand the unique ways that depression impacts seniors as well as the specific circumstances that seniors contend with, such as transitions of aging, grief and illness, and loss of independence. We work with Medicare to keep costs low, and most of our patients pay $0 out of pocket.

See how easy it is to get started with Sailor Health. 

Caring for the caregiver

Knowing how to support a spouse or family member with depression is important. But as you undertake your caregiving journey, it’s essential to consider your own mental health as well.

Helping a senior with depression or any other challenge can be gratifying, but can also be a burden. It’s okay to admit that! It’s also okay – and necessary – to have appropriate boundaries with your loved one. You can’t be “on call” at all hours of the day, and you have to make sure you have time for your own family, as well as your own self- care.

Burnout in caregivers is more common than you might think. You shouldn’t just grit your teeth and bear it, because burnout can lead to more serious mental health struggles and physical health problems. The bottom line is that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and sometimes caregivers need their own support.

Sailor Health also makes therapy accessible for caregivers who are Medicare beneficiaries, and you don’t need a diagnosis to begin treatment.

FAQ

Does Medicare cover online therapy for depression?

Yes, Medicare Part B covers one-on-one therapy for depression, and this includes telehealth for depression support.

What should I do if my spouse/parent refuses to see a doctor?

You can start by having an open conversation with them about what their concerns or fears are. Then, you can frame the doctor visit as a simple check-in for them to ask their doctor questions, not necessarily as a time for a diagnosis.

Is it normal for depression to cause memory loss in older adults? 

While depression can cause mild memory loss and problems with executive function, it’s important to rule out other causes of memory problems in older adults. That’s why it is best to see a PCP first if your loved one is showing signs of depression as well as cognitive issues.

How do I talk to my grandparent about their mental health without offending them?

Asking open-ended questions, using “I” statements, and expressing concern and love rather than judgement, can all work to make your loved one feel more comfortable.

References

1. Devita, M., De Salvo, R., Ravelli, A., De Rui, M., Coin, A., Sergi, G., & Mapelli, D. (2022). Recognizing Depression in the Elderly: Practical Guidance and Challenges for Clinical Management. Neuropsychiatric disease and treatment, 18, 2867–2880. https://doi.org/10.2147/NDT.S347356 
2. National Institute on Aging (2025). Depression and older adults.
3. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/mental-and-emotional-health/depression-and-older-adults 
4. McKee, J., & Brahm, N. (2016). Medical mimics: Differential diagnostic considerations for psychiatric symptoms. The mental health clinician, 6(6), 289–296. https://doi.org/10.9740/mhc.2016.11.289 
5. Tan, J., Wang, C., & Tomiyama, A. J. (2023). Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH) diet and mental well-being: a systematic review. Nutrition reviews, 82(1), 60–75. https://doi.org/10.1093/nutrit/nuad038 
6. Lee, S. H., Lee, H., & Yu, S. (2022). Effectiveness of Social Support for Community-Dwelling Elderly with Depression: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Healthcare (Basel, Switzerland), 10(9), 1598. https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare10091598 
7. Sollami, A., Gianferrari, E., Alfieri, M., Artioli, G., & Taffurelli, C. (2017). Pet therapy: an effective strategy to care for the elderly? An experimental study in a nursing home. Acta bio-medica : Atenei Parmensis, 88(1S), 25–31. https://doi.org/10.23750/abm.v88i1-S.6281